So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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