I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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