I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
