So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
