Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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