You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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