Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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