I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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