I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
