I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
