I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
is that a dick in a sweater?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
