So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
