Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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