I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
