I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
