He asked to "fluff my boner.."
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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