I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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