Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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