my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Vodka?
Forever.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
