my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
