I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
