Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
