You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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