i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
