I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
