glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
