Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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