Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
