OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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