He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
