when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
