Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You've changed since you got that strap on
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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