there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
