i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
