I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
