You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
