If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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