my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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