Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
