doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You've changed since you got that strap on
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
