i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
