The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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