he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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