Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
