Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
