i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I want her autograph on my taint
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
