Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
