peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
we're so committed to being not committed
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