do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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