If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
