So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
