People in love make me want to vomit
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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