This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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