what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
