i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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