I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
