You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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