Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
