thus making me awesome and them whores
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
