we have officially lost it.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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