there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
